Many are speculating on how Lavar Ball plans to sell $500 shoes that don’t have a Nike, Reebok or Adidas logo, but according to a well-placed source in the Ball camp, they have their strategy set.
“At first we were going to change their names to Ballzerini to make the Big Baller Brand shoes seem ‘foreign,’ but we found a better strategy,” says an anonymous source in the Ball camp. “They narrowed down their target market decision to the two demographics that will buy anything at any price: drug dealers and hypebeasts.”
The source notes that with drug dealers there were “longevity, image and piracy” concerns, so they honed in on hypebeasts.
“Expect Lonzo to pop up on draft night in some Supreme with dyed (fake) dreads, fashionista Ian Connor at his table and a white double cup full of purple gatorade. Once he brings the cup up with him to shake hands with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver and offers him a sip, the shoes will fly off the shelves!”
The family hopes that Lonzo gets drafted to the L.A. Lakers to make it easier for the former UCLA Bruin to initiate himself into the “mumble rap” scene in.
He might f– your b— in some Ball flip-flops
“If he’s in LA, he can just hang out with trap rappers, go to concerts and take pictures. But if he ends up being drafted to an offbrand market he’s going to have to do a lot of dumb s**t to keep his name in the news. He might even have to start making music, which no one wants.”
Lonzo’s father Lavar, desperate to “win one” against the big shoe corporations, is onboard with the image overhaul and has allegedly suggested that Lonzo should test positive for codeine during his first NBA drug test to appeal to the mostly teenaged, drug-addled demographic.
Lavar apparently isn’t worried about potential adverse affects of his 19-year-old son trying lean because “he has two others right behind him. This is the sacrificial lamb.”