Fans of Jay-Z’s 4:44 album are embodying the Black empowerment commentary he divulges on songs like “The Story of O.J.”
“I didn’t know these things before he brought them up. But he got me thinking on some deep Martin X s**t,” said “aspiring billionaire” Davon Thomas. “I’mma start a luxury scented panty liner called box breathers. So the ladies can have they stuff smellin’ right throughout the day. Pineapple scent an’ all that.”
Thomas has put a GoFundMe page together for his idea. “If you don’t support a Black business your s**t need to be hummin’,” he contends. “Don’t be racist ma.”
Thomas, a self-confessed scammer, claims he could’ve had the funds already, but his assets were frozen Monday after taking Jay’s advice to “take a chance.’ “Man he had me on my empowerment s**t. I thought about how many $3.95 prepaid Visa cards me and my n*ggas bought over the years to swipe with and I called Visa Saturday and was like, I’m not the help. We puttin’ money in your pockets we could go anywhere to drop our s**t.”
He asked for “some kind of deal,” and was hung up on. After he called back, he asked to become a “New York Region Consultant.” He’s now under investigation for fraud.
“Man Jay a bad boy. He be takin pictures with white n*ggas,” exclaims 28-year-old Willie Smith while excitedly running down the street making the Rocafella diamond hand gesture. ”He doing it all for Black people. No disrespect but like, the Panthers wasn’t bringin’ back shoe deals and sports teams to the hood. I couldn’t go to the Barneys back then, n*ggas wasn’t lettin’ n*ggas in. Hov kicked down the door so they ain’t got no problem takin’ my money now. So I joined the team.“
Smith admits he has been a high level drug dealer for years, but “quit his job” yesterday to “sell Roc Nation hats on Fulton street.”
“I was at a meeting signing a building grant so I could have co-ownership of the first ever low-cost luxury condos in Bed-Stuy, but I thought: ‘what’s better than one billionaire? Two.’ So I bailed out and bought 500 Roc Nation hats and 10,000 Tidal subscriptions so we could get Jay to that billy! My partners were like ‘oh we need you, help sustain the middle class’…man look. Who needs a middle class when we could have 2 billionaires to live through?”
After asking us if we knew how “Jews controlled everything,” Smith went on a tangent about keeping money in the community, and proposed a “Jay-Z economy,” where everyone spends money and invests into Jay-Z’s businesses to make him the first Hip-hop billionaire. What happens once Jay becomes a billionaire?
“Hopefully he’ll put somebody else on.”