Harlem native Keith Patrick is busy on the phone
trying to get “his business” done before 5 PM. He’s imposed a
firm deadline on himself.

“I’m trying to find a bad chick
to do a switch it up challenge with before it drops below 8 on the
trending list. Once it hits 9 and below, you gotta scroll down for it
on a lot of phones, and the market isn’t trying to do that.”

Keith, who uses the name
@WebbiePendergrass on every social platform, has steadily analyzed
“the market” of “Harlem and Bronx Black Twitter” for over five years, ever since he
dropped out of college to become a professional “influencer.”

“I came home one day and said
man, I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” 28-year-old
Patrick, who lives with his mom, says. “But it can’t be this. What am I good at? I’m not a
lawyer. I’m not an athlete. But I always got likes on my selfies,”
he says while angling his face for a selfie.

“Being social media famous is an
art. I saw a deep tweet that said, ‘everything that looks easy is
hard,’” he says while figuring out the last photo for a “Blonde
Kanye starter pack” instagram post. “You have to be first with
the memes. People watch TV shows and sports to enjoy them, but I’m
trying to be first to a meme. LeBron makes a weird face and I’m
like…what everyday situation does this remind me of? I have to
think quick before someone jumps me on the list.”

Patrick maintains that he must
consistently stay relevant so people “see his opinions.” He tried
rapping, then producing, but couldn’t make a name for himself in the
crowded market. He does graphic design, but rues that he “can’t get famous” from it. He decided he might have more chance of “being
famous” if he entered music media.

Patrick blogged sporadically at
outlets like Complex, but once Twitter became popular, he realized
his “concisive talents,” as he says while in a heated debate
about the 5th best song on Cozy Season.

Patrick wears this shirt “every time Kendrick is in town” in
hopes to run across him for a picture

“I can sum up a song pretty
quick. Before it’s done even. It’s either fire or trash,
really, and people respect my opinion. I don’t need 500 words to say
that,” he says while deciding between 3 or 4 crying laughing emojis
for a tweet.

Patrick say his achievements
include being “one of the first people to RT Kodak Black’s ‘No
Flocking’” and “having a tweet at the top of the ‘Drug Dealers
Anonymous’ topic when you search it,” he says while searching for
events to mention in his daily “what’s the world coming to?”
tweet.

Patrick’s ultimate goal is to
become a “professional personality/influencer,” who “people
trust to retweet instead of just saying it themselves,” he says
while trying to decide between a Metallica or Iron Maiden shirt for
the night’s  The Lox show.

“I looked on everyone’s IG.
Everyone is gonna be there. I can’t wait to see A Boogie and Don Q,”
he says. When asked  what he wanted to say to the Highbridge tandem,
who he deemed as “sort of sometimey acquaintances who may remember laughing at a Tyga joke he made at a day party in Harlem,” he said “I mainly want
flicks. And I’m gonna try to take Boogie to the side and say ‘your
project came along at a perfect time for New York,’ so I can tweet
that I took him to the side and told him. But if I can’t get him to
the side I ain’t gonna say it. Don’t wanna look like a groupie..”

Patrick regrettably recalls a time
Busta Rhymes realized he was snapchatting their brief conversation
and choked him against the wall. He notes that he was “happy there
was no other footage” as his influencer “career” would’ve “been
a dub.”

Patrick scrolls through his
“selfie caption” spreadsheet for the perfect words to his latest
picture. “Drake or Hov haven’t dropped anything in a minute, so I
keep some captions in reserve.”

As he’s picking out the perfect
dad hat to match his Iron Maiden shirt, he stops. “Matter fact….”
he says. He’s had an epiphany.

“I’m about to tweet a hint that
I know someone big is gonna drop something tonight.”

Patrick has zero industry
connections, but surmises, “If I’m wrong, no one will remember. But
if something does drop that’s an easy 50 follows.”