Ball, wearing crass shirt that points to his crotch, saying anything that will extend his 15 minutes

“I need them 7-foot dicks!,”
exclaimed Lavar Ball at a recent press conference. As the whispers in
the crowd grew louder, he clarified, “for my show! Not for me I’m
gushy cushy! That’s how my future all-stars got here!”

Lavar Ball is teaming with VH1 for Find
a Big Baller, a first-of-its-kind reality show that will put the
fathers of professional athletes on a boat with women looking not just for 18 years of child support–but to
build a “baller.”

Ball, who has in the past admitted that
he pro-created with his wife strictly for her genes, says that his show is “the smart groupie game. These guys might not be as rich as athletes, but if you make a kid that gets into the NBA, then your whole family is set! Real Planned Parenthood!”

Ball says that he has several fathers
on board, including Nelson Peterson, the father of Adrian Peterson,
and Leon Haywood, the father of NBA Veteran Brendan Haywood. Ball
says he’s also considering older athletes such as Dennis Rodman and JR Rider.

Critics of the show include Amber Rose, who said, “it’s problematic” in a two-word press release. When called to clarify her comment, Rose noted that the idea of a baller boat ride “ruins the suspense of finding the right ‘18-year-check.’ I don’t want arranged births. I want to be on TMZ! I want to pit teammates against each other! I want to pull basketball shorts off and see what pops out!”

Ball has claimed that
he found the father of LeBron James, and won’t unveil him until the
May series debut. He proclaimed that the recent war of words between
he and LeBron was to “draw attention to the show–” though he never mentioned the show.

Ball won’t be one of the show’s
contestants, but he will host, putting both the women and men
through athletic and romantic competitions, looking to “spark a
connection that makes the Vikings boat ride look like child’s play.”.

“I made myself famous with my
mouthpiece and I’m trying to get all the b—-s that did the same
thing!,” Ball screamed over show producer Mona Scott. “India
Westbrooks, Sheneka Adams, holla at a Balla!”