President Donald Trump is desperate to draw attention off of his administration’s Russian ties and potential impeachment. He tried to divert attention with his intentional “covfefe” Twitter gaffe, but skeptics saw through the ploy. He’s gotten so distressed in the past 24 hours that he’s reportedly offered entertainers Jay Z and Beyonce over $150 million from his personal fortune to stage a baby drama of all dramas.
“Trump got word to the family that he’d pay them to pretend Beyonce had white babies,” says a Capitol Hill source. “He knows the country would be in an uproar, guessing who the father was and having relationship debates from now until Christmas. All the people calling for impeachment now would be too busy vicariously living through the Carters – even more than they already do.”
Reportedly, Beyonce has “zero” interest in Trump’s offer, but Jay Z is surprisingly interested in going through with it and attempting to convince his wife. Now the couple is reportedly at odds, even as Beyonce is set to have her children at any moment now.
“Jay may face some bad PR from the story, but he would laugh to the bank,” a source close to the rapper says. “He’s trying to build a Roc Nation theme park in Brooklyn, and that kind of windfall would give him the seed money without seeking investors.”
The source adds that, “most people in hip-hop know dissing him on those grounds would be career suicide, so he’s teflon there.”
Reportedly, the “Big Pimpin’” rapper would take the opportunity of Beyonce’s contrived cheating to “cash in” even further with his own scorned, Lemonade-type of album.
“Jay sees the financial benefit, but Beyonce knows money isn’t everything,” the source says. “Now she’s ready to hurry up and have the twins so the nagging will end.”
As for the actual children in Beyonce? Rumors suggest that the Knowles-Carter family would be asked to keep the babies in private for a year or so, then pretend a hospital swap occurred before returning the white newborns to their rightful parents.