Rock n Roll Music. Cowboy culture. Hockey.

These are just a couple movements that are widely regarded as
exclusive to white people, even though there was heavy Black
influence in their creation. Now, researchers from Harvard University
have revealed groundbreaking knowledge about the Canteeven tribe, an
odd group of just 4 generations that serve as an unlikely basis for
European-American culture.

Nolan Smith, the head researcher in the
study, notes that the Canteeven tribe were ostracized and relegated
to the rural, coastal regions of Egypt, and were actually the first
group that Roman infiltrators met when they came to Africa.

“We thought that the Romans only
‘borrowed’ their spiritual and cultural beliefs from Egypt, but a lot
of their social customs came from this Canteeven tribe,” Smith
says. “Some of the notable characteristics that differentiate the
Canteeven tribe from others in Africa are beastiality, a notably
stagnant artistic scene and unseasoned food.

Smith notes that the group had “dozens
of spices” at their disposal but only sniffed them. “They thought
that the spices would intoxicate them. Very weird people.”

Researchers believe the spears in this cave painting are phallic symbolism for fornication with the animals

With their light complexions, the
Canteeven were favored by Romans. An emissary of Caesar thanked the
tribe in a letter unearthed in only 2013 by the scholars, who
excavated parts of rural Egypt to find Canteeven artifacts. In the
letter the Romans wrote, “thine hath spent numerous fortnights
forloining with birds and indulging in barley drinks with you
Canteeven tribesmen. Your peculiar fixation with intoxicants, incest
and Pumpkin spice doth most intrigue and serve a hearty example for

The researchers find that the Canteeven
tribe were wealthy based on their proximity to spices and other
resources they sold to other countries, but rarely made much
advances. Few know what they did with their time outside of sniffing
spices, hunting animals and fornicating with them. “We don’t see
hieroglyphics, or any of the other advanced aspects of Ancient
Egyptian society in the area of the former Canteeven tribe. It’s safe
to say they had no culture.”

The tribe would occasionally commission
other Africans to perform for them, then they would berate the
performers for their features and darker skin—before asking them to
perform again.

The group only lasted four generations
because of a great tsunami that swept over the Egyptian coast. Smith
says that they were aware of the tsunami, and could have been saved
if they moved to Central Egypt, but they didn’t want to assimilate.
”They willingly destroyed themselves to maintain their code, Smith
says. “Like we said, there are many similarities.”